Extra! Extra! Read all about it: The EU, in a twist worthy of a daytime drama, has decided to finally start talking about talking about Ukraine and Moldova joining their exclusive club. And guess what? They even nodded at Georgia, but with a ‘we’ll call you’ vibe.
Ukraine’s President Zelensky, in a move that could have come straight out of an underdog sports movie, pumped his fist in the air, declaring it a ‘victory for Europe.’ We’re unsure if he was on a podium with a triumphant soundtrack playing, but we like to think so.
The plot thickened as Hungary’s PM Orban, embodying the spirit of a moody teen, decided to momentarily leave the room during the vote. Some say he was just grabbing a snack, but he returned with a Facebook video essentially saying, ‘I don’t want to play in your yard anyway.’
Moldovan President Maia Sandu chimed in, saying that Moldova’s path to the EU was an ‘honor.’ Sources close to her say she might have added, ‘Take that, high school bullies!’ under her breath.
As for the nitty-gritty, joining the EU is like trying to get into Harvard, but with more bureaucracy and less predictable outcomes. The EU’s executive, meanwhile, is patting Kyiv on the back for doing their homework.
German Chancellor Scholz, playing the role of the optimistic guidance counselor, praised the decision, probably while handing out ‘EU Family’ bumper stickers.
Over in the U.S., President Zelensky tried to get Congress to cough up some cash, but it seems they were too busy arguing over what to order for lunch.
Putin, meanwhile, is like the villain in a spy movie, watching from afar and muttering something about ‘freebies running out.’ But don’t worry, Zelensky’s got this ‘political win’ up his sleeve.
The EU Council President is sending ‘powerful signals’ like a lighthouse in a storm, assuring Ukraine, ‘We’re with you!’ – but, like, from a safe distance.
As for Georgia, they’re waving their ‘pro-EU’ flags, trying to catch the EU’s eye while avoiding stepping on Moscow’s toes.
And let’s not forget Bosnia-Herzegovina, waiting in the wings with their own drama, featuring a secession subplot that could give ‘Game of Thrones’ a run for its money.
So, as this saga unfolds, stay tuned for more twists, turns, and possibly a cameo by a surprise guest star. Will the EU’s next season have higher ratings? Only time will tell!a